It has been a really busy and overwhelming period at work. To keep my balance in check, I actually plan what to do on my days off so that I don’t waste what little precious me-time I have. Today however, is one of those days where I caved in and just stayed for most part, in my room. On my bed. Partially affected by my arthritis, of course. I had planned to go to the gym and work on improving my 5km run-time. Instead I slept in and got out for less than an hour to shower, eat, read the papers, say hello to my grandma and that’s it.
So this rare, non-frivolous post is my way of coming to terms with what I’ve been doing to myself in the last 6 months. I wish I had more time to really live in wasted fashion, without a care and be a little more air-headed. Frivolity IS HARD! Life is still good even though it can always be better. Sometimes I lose sight of what I have when I get frustrated with a difficult period (that eventually passes).
Life has largely been revolving around work, gym and spa treats. I’m a control-freak that way and it’s so bizarre when I reflect upon it. I really love where I am in terms of my work (this is a blessing) but I can get UNNECESSARILY stressed out (this is THESUX). Then there’s the health issue. Rather than weight-loss, I’ve taken to exercising at least 2-3 times a week (depending on work schedule) to oil the engines, keep things going and just generally not rot and die. I hate exercise but I know I have to do it, so I do. My favourite thing ever is of course, my spa treats! I look forward to facials, massages and hair treatments. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. So this keeps me sane, somewhat.
I make a decent living so I can afford gym membership and beauty therapies, I’m not ashamed of being looked upon as indulgent. I’m not rich but I’m certainly not in debt, or living off anyone. That’s a blessing, right? I’ve always had a job for as long as I remember. I’ve also worked full-time for over 10 years now and believe me, when I say I know I’m lucky. Straight out of university, I had a job waiting for me. After I’ve served out my scholarship bond and wanted to move on, I found another job waiting for me. I landed both jobs with relative ease – one is conventionally respectable and the other is enviously exciting – both with their issues and merits.
Sometimes I want this. I want that. I want to be married. I want children. I want my own home. I want to eat 20cupcakes without gaining weight. I want to be taller. I wish I didn’t have limp hair when it grows longer. I wish I had a nicer body. I wish I could stop my joints from hurting when I try to open the door. I wish this and that. But I have everything I need – a nice place to live (air-conditioned room and hot showers), great friends (guy buddies who tell it like it is, gal pals to SPA-ty with), a job I enjoy (steady income, nice boss who gives me lots of autonomy) and most of all, my health (ok, this I cheat. I am actually toeing the line here but I am not bedridden yet).
Life is good. I need to remember that.