I’m feeling a little emo at the moment and had some thoughts I wanted to share. I think this was brought on by the fact that this time next week, I’ll be all snuggled up in the new bed that T bought for us to start our new life together (although I’m still not exactly sure when that will all take place, but I guess, slowly but surely is still good.)
I haven’t really talked about this and T seems to have popped out of nowhere. People are curious, I know. But T and I… it’s a long time coming.
T and I met on OKCupid – no shame in Internet dating, I tells ya. I was single for 7 years and in that time, I went out on many dates with local men (and some foreign men based in Singapore). Most obviously flopped and I was about to throw in the towel to write a book about the perils of dating in Singapore (especially as a plus sized, sass-mouthed woman in her 30s). Then I met T. It started with OKCupid asking me to rate profiles – I did 50 or some random number they said to do. Among the profiles I rated was T’s. He rated me back and gave me full marks! I received an automated message that said we both chose each other and I should now send him a message. I wrote a very simple “Hello I’m Chloe” and… the rest as they say is history.
Actually not quite because as with these things, you don’t just exchange messages with 1 person. There were several others at the same time. Strangely all those whom I’m over 90% matched to live far far far away from me – mostly either in Europe or North America. And one by one they drifted away because of the distance. T kept up the conversation with me and I was always excited to get his messages. They usually came at 4am my time and I always woke up just to read them before drifting off to slumberland again – then drafting a careful reply when I was sober and awake. Messages on OKCupid led to long daily e-mails (which I still love receiving), whatsapp messages, phone calls and then Skype. And that’s how we’ve been surviving the distance.
Now that we’re at the crossroads of deciding how we should proceed, I found myself questioning why it was so easy with T. He’s funny, geeky, smart and basically almost everything I’ve ever looked for in a man. (Thank you OKCupid for filtering!!!) We get into arguments from time to time but we concede and compromise easily. He’s kind, loving and generous (though sometimes annoyingly neurotic and way too shy). It often seems like he’s more than willing to give in to me when we meet an impasse. And because he’s so giving, I willingly give in too. Our tiffs never last for very long.
Maybe it’s age. I’m less feisty and domineering than before. Maybe because 7 years alone, 6 ECT sessions, pulling myself out of therapy (and medication), quitting the smokes and the bottle and sobering up in general helped. Whatever it is, we work. T and I. What happened to all the Singapore men? What do they want? Why does it take someone from across the pond, and then some, to appreciate me? I wished aloud a couple of times, for T to be Singaporean because it’s so difficult with him so far away. I want to start the next phase of my life NOW. I’ve found someone who has the same aspirations as me; who shares the same values; who is biologically, emotionally ready. Why does he have to live so far away? I’m tired of not only being alone but more than anything, I long to wake up every morning to the big nerd who’s captured my heart and imagination.
T and I are not perfect people. But we’re perfect for each other. Or darn tooting close! I’m not sure what THE ONE constitutes. I cannot guarantee that this will be forever. But this is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. If T is not the one, he sure as hell comes mighty close. Please let this be IT.
So anyway, OKCupid – it works. But you have to put in some effort. I wrote and rewrote my profile. I answered maybe 300 odd questions. I refined my dating criteria over and over again. I dated a horde of toads before this happened. Maybe there isn’t someone for everyone and some people are just meant to be alone. But if you’re not going to put yourself out there, you’re never gonna go no where.