An Exercise In Trivial Pursuits

Fatshion, Food & Frivolities – Life in Las Vegas & Singapore

Fat-shaming – The Aftermath

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I believe that some of you have had the opportunity to read that dastardly episode regarding my blog being featured in Reddit’s Fat People Hate forum. I also published a long post about a week ago (had over 1.5k read it) including an open letter.

Long story short, my ultra protective friends in Singapore gathered their resources and identified the woman who started the thread insulting me. I was given more information than I needed or ever wanted – information that could easily ruin her reputation as well as her career which depended on it.

Even if I hadn’t planned on taking any action, in my post, I made several remarks that would make her identifiable to her immediate peers. As I mentioned, I’m not a vindictive woman and if I was, there could’ve been so much damage. She came forward, wrote me an apology and I took it all down – from my blog, twitter, instagram and facebook. I don’t think I want any more than that. After mulling over it for a few days, I’ve decided to publish her apology publicly:

 

Dear Chloe,

I am DC. I was alerted to your blog by a mutual friend regarding my post, and immediately crafted this in response. I was deservedly told off, and I wish to offer my most sincere apologies for my actions. You are absolutely correct that I am too old to be behaving so childishly, and I am glad that you are gracious enough to withhold from seeking revenge. I’m suitably embarrassed by this incident, and I reassure you that this will not happen again. 

I have suffered from and battled body image issues and an eating disorder for years. I understand that this is no excuse for my behavior, but my dysmorphic point of view of my own body, along with a poor self image, has contributed to my lashing out at others for no reason. I have since then become aware of this, and I vow never to do this again.

I’m humbly asking for your graciousness and forgiveness once more in the form of a favor. Would you mind taking down all of the details that you’ve posted about me on your blog? I’m begging for a second chance. Should you come to Singapore, do give me a call or send me an email. I would feel very honored to meet with you, apologize again in person, and to have a conversation to find out more about who you are.

Please feel free to post this publicly on your blog should you feel that it is appropriate.

With sincerest apologies,(omitted for this post)

 

Everybody deserves a second chance, and a third or a fourth sometimes. We are human and nobody’s perfect. Anger is never the solution. Maybe it’s the teacher in me. Maybe it’s just simply because I don’t want any part of that angst and tragedy we see everywhere around us. Maybe it’s because I want to keep my blog happy and positive. Maybe because I have large network of wonderful friends who have my back and are always watching out for me, I am able to walk away so confidently.

When I replied her e-mail, I suddenly felt very teacherly – after all, this woman is the same age as my former students. I imagined her to be one of them and if something similar should happen to any of them, I would want the same response and wished that they be forgiven easily once they’ve admitted their mistakes.

 

Hi (omitted for this post)

I’ve removed the entire entry instead of just omitting the details. I’m heartened to receive your e-mail even though I know that there’s no guarantee that this wouldn’t happen again or that your e-mail was crafted with the help of others. I understand that it’ll take a while before people change and it’s human nature. There’s no need for me to tell you how this works, seeing that you’re a (omitted for this post)

I hope that you’ll have the support of your friends in working out your demons and regardless of the methods they will use to help you exorcise this entire episode – whether the bitching continues in private (which is what happens everywhere anyway) or they choose to reinforce the positive attributes of your personality. I hope at the end of it all, you’ll see that everything is pointless and it’s such a waste of your time and abilities to resort to becoming a keyboard warrior stereotype.

You know that I could’ve done so much more with the information provided to me but having had 2 near-death experiences, each moment I live is precious and I choose to only focus on the good so that I’m always ready to leave my corporeal self with no regrets. I have no desire to meddle elsewhere except in my own business, so I wish you well. Perhaps we would meet when I return to Singapore for a visit next year.

As for posting your email, I most likely would in my own time. Thank you again for coming forward with your apology.

My best,

Chloe

 

There were several e-mail exchanges that followed. She opened herself up and told me her problems, then asked if I could take down the other stuff from my other social media accounts. I obliged, told her to take care of herself and wished her well. End of story. Sometimes, life doesn’t have to be too complicated.

Author: Chloe Happ

I left Singapore for the US of A in 2013 and now live in Las Vegas with my indie game dev husband and our son Gummi Gumdrop. I am also probably much older than you think I am.

3 thoughts on “Fat-shaming – The Aftermath

  1. You are a wonderfully gracious person.

  2. wow…
    i can’t wrap my head around it…people being so pointlessly evil
    also, wow, you have seriously amazing friends!

  3. wow… i didn’t know what you’ve been through…
    you are such an amazing person!

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